Monday, August 5, 2013

In Pursuit of Something

Looking for "subway tiles" for the kitchen wall but they're outdated already.. So, we opted for mosaic tiles in white.
The house is almost done. We're still waiting for the missing materials including the funds and hopefully they will be completely done by September. I'm starting to love the kitchen also. There's no heaviness in my heart whenever I see it even with all the imperfections. John knows that I'm okay with it just by looking at me. He could sense if I'm happy with it or not. Although the kitchen is not yet completely ready, the question I always ask myself is that am I ready for the kitchen built for me.

My mind is drifting from one thought to another. And it's already stressful just by thinking about it. I guess this is normal most especially I am in the midst of crossing over from being single to being married in about sixty days. Many people would ask if I'm ready and excited for the wedding. But I have mixed emotions that I can't explain fully. The wedding is so near yet so far. But I know for sure that I am more excited after the wedding and the life that is ahead of us.

Cross over. Translated from the Italian word Attraversiamo. I mentioned about it before on this post and it's something that we're experiencing every single day of our lives. We're leaving something behind and  preparing yourself what for God has in stored for you. I'm saying goodbye to my single life and preparing myself to married life. That is one of the many transitions that I am going through. But I know there's a lot of things going through inside my mind and a lot of things to consider in my life.

But at this moment, I was reminded from the book of Psalms.. Selah, which means Holy Pause. Stop and be in the presence of God and listen to His still small voice. I know He's reminding me that He knows everything about me. My concerns, my worries, my desires, my emotions and my feelings.  He knows I'm frustrated whenever my hands can't produce something good most especially when other people would have high expectations from me. And I would tell Him that I should have pursued something that I'm supposed be doing in the first place. But God knows my life. If I didn't go all through the things where He want me to go, I wouldn't end up knowing Him and John might not be in my life right now.

More than the pursuit of something - my dreams, my desires and my wants, I need and want to pursue God first more than anyone and anything else. He brought me this far and when I connect the dots, I know that God is the ultimate writer of my life. My mind is still full of thoughts, drifting from one area of life to another. But I know that God will do the right thing at the right time.


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